I'm not talking about the royal baby.
On July 9th, a baby was born somewhere in Toronto. The birth mother contacted an agency to start the process to find adoptive parents.
Our social worker called us on July 10th to let us know what she knew about this placement (which was not a lot), and confirmed she was submitting our profile to the agency. Most likely, we were one out of 3-5 profiles being presented to the birth mother.
I will admit that I blanked out a bit during that phone conversation. We had her on speaker, all the while staring at each other with incredulous looks. When I hung up the phone, I noticed just how much my hands were shaking.
And so our baby watch began.
What do you do when you're waiting for the news you have waited so long to hear?
- We made sure all of the items needed to pass the final home inspection have been completed. I now have a spiffy handrail up to my attic, all to code.
- We put the call out for baby items to some close friends and family. A car load of items came back from a visit to my brother-in-law's house. They had a lot of things to give us, now that our niece is two years old. I don't think I could have squeezed another thing in the car! It just goes to show how supportive our friends and family are, that we literally do not have to purchase a single thing.
- We mostly cleared the room that will house the nursery. My office desk is still in there, but it is now joined by bassinets, mobiles, bedding, clothing, baby bottles, and anything else we will need. The desk will be moved of course once we have our child.
And then we waited some more. We were cautiously optimistic. Our social worker was great in keeping us up to date as much as possible, letting us know at each point the agency confirmed that the birth mother still had not decided.
We got word two days ago that the birth mother has decided to parent.
How am I feeling? I am happy for the birth mother and the baby. All throughout this wait, I kept her in my thoughts knowing how hard of a decision it would be. I never wished that she would give the baby up. That is a horrible thing to wish for, and all I hoped during the wait is that she would do what was the best for her baby.
Of course, I am sad for us. It just wasn't our time to become parents. I am also sad for the others who were chosen to be presented to the birth mother and also received this news. I wish them well in their own adoption journeys.
I haven't been into the room we set up. It will be ready for us when we need it. A part of me wanted to sit in the room on Saturday night and let all my emotions overwhelm me.
I didn't. That room is all about dreams coming true. I want the crying in that room to be my tears of joy, or cries from my baby wanting our comforting arms around them.
I chose to shed my sad tears while lying on my couch, letting my beagle lick them off my hand.
