Reference checks and fingerprints!

We needed five names in total to give as references: a friend and family member for each of us, and a couple who knows both of us.

Everyone we chose jumped at the chance to help us out by filling out a questionnaire and sending it to our social worker, and we are so thankful to have such great friends and family that have helped us through one more step of the journey!

A local police and an RCMP check is also mandatory for all who wish to adopt. The local check was just a form, but the RCMP required our fingerprints and so we headed off to an agency to have this done.

I grew up in the 80s watching crime dramas when the innocent protagonist gets fingerprinted and you see the ink all over their hands. Alas, we are in the digital age, and so instead of an ink pad I was presented with a scanner. It was still really neat. The tech geek in me loves this kind of stuff!

First they took your hand and gently pressed your four fingertips down on your hand and captured those images. They then captured an image of just the thumb.

Then they took each finger and did a wide print: rolling your finger from one edge to the other (same as in the movies). The program them matches this wide print with the gently pressed print. If there are too many anomalies between the two, it will make the user scan the wide print again until there are fewer anomalies.

My left pinky kept giving us problems. I made a joke that if I ever committed a crime, I should only use that pinky. Finally it scanned with some anomalies, so it was flagged orange. Still useable and they assured me that the RCMP would not reject them for quality.

Next was J's turn. Right away there were issues! Almost every single print he did came back as having to repeat at least 4 times. Finally we managed to complete his digital prints, but out of 10 prints I think about 6 were red (acceptable but with many anomalies).

The agency thought it should be fine to send to the RCMP as is, but just in case, they decided to take a set of ink prints from him.

Small signs... check out the box of Pampers wipes in the corner!

Three more things checked off the list!

Not flesh nor bone...

Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But nevertheless still my own.
Never forget for a single minute
You weren't born under my heart
But in it.

~Fleur Conkling Heyliger

Budget day - adoption tax credit

Yesterday Canada's finance minister revealed the federal budget, and lo and behold, there are changes to the adoption tax credit!

Unfortunately, I think this is just a clarification and nothing really new.

"Economic Action Plan 2013 proposes to enhance the Adoption Expense Tax Credit to better recognize the costs unique to adoption.

Strong and stable families are critical to Canada’s long-term prosperity. Families provide children with permanency, connections, and support—and yet an estimated 30,000 children are currently in the care of child welfare agencies across Canada, waiting to be adopted.

The Adoption Expense Tax Credit recognizes costs unique to adopting a child. To provide better tax recognition of the costs incurred by adoptive parents, Economic Action Plan 2013 proposes to allow additional adoption-related expenses (such as fees for a provincially required home study and mandatory adoption courses) to be eligible for the credit. This change will apply to adoptions finalized after 2012."

Full text here: http://www.budget.gc.ca/2013/doc/plan/chap3-5-eng.html

From my understanding, people have already been claiming their PRIDE training and home study expenses. So this is nothing new, really. I was already planning on claiming these two expenses.

Also - it's not as if the tax credit is a large amount. For the 2012 tax year, the maximum amount that you can claim for this is $11,440 for each child. If you claim the full amount, then that equates to $1716 back to you.

I am a little annoyed that the government has added this to the budget, saying that they support Canadians who wish to adopt, but the truth is that there is no change. How can they do this?!?

Home study - last interview! And baby gates...

Our home study interviews are done!

To be honest, I am a little sad that it's over. Our social worker is great, and we have such a great time when she visits. I had heard stories about how intrusive the home study could be, but we didn't have any issues with any of the questions. It was interesting to look back at my childhood and examine how I was raised. And she was just so nice to work with. I'm happy she is part of my adoption team!

We talked a bit more about our marriage, and who does what around the house. And then we did the walk through of the house. There was a check list that we had to go through, indicating what we were in compliance with.

Some of these were things like no locks on the bedroom doors, and a separate room for the child that was not separate from the main house (!?!). Yes, they have it on there that you can't put your adopted child in a room over the garage. Sadly, if it's in the checklist it's because someone once tried to do this.

We also had to do a fire evacuation plan. This really should be something that we thought about before the adoption process. We ended up buying two nifty fire escape rope ladders for our two upper floors. I am going to buy one for my parents as well, as if the stairway was blocked they would have no way of getting out save for jumping out the window. Happy that I posted this on Facebook too, asking if my friends had an evacuation plan... I know one person did end up buying a ladder themselves, and reviewed their plan with their two little girls.

As for things that are marked as "will comply", we have things on the list like baby gates, crib/toddler bed, and outlet covers. Those items are usually on a "will comply" list since we do not know the age of our child, or when it will happen. These are things that can be easily bought.

I've already started researching though (surprise surprise) and have picked out a baby gate for the second floor of the house.

Our house is upside down, in that the bedrooms are on the ground floor, and the kitchen/living room/dining room are on the second floor (where we spend most of our time).

Since we have a useable attic on the third floor, we need a gate large enough to block off both stair cases. The family who lived in the house before us had one in a very wide 78" doorway.

The snazzy KidCo G3000. Is it just me or does everything looked Photoshopped into this picture? :)

We are toying around with getting and installing it anyway since our god-daughter is now a toddler and walking around, and it would be peace of mind having it up for when she is visiting.

If you're out there...

When I was trying to get pregnant, there were six months of hoping and daydreaming about all the things that would happen. In my mind, everything was planned out and all I had to do was get pregnant.

Six months passed, and hopes of having an easy pregnancy were dashed. Four years of fertility treatments later, and it was just not meant to be.

I never lost hope, and most of the time I was optimistic. Of course, there were times that I felt like crawling under a rock so I wouldn't have to be witness to the world of baby strollers and swollen pregnant bellies. Our lifelines were my amazing network of friends and family who were always there at the worst of times when we needed an ear, a shoulder, a hug.

Regardless of my optimism, I never let myself think about paint colours for the nursery, or look at baby furniture, or change anything in the house that could be construed as 'a baby is about to come into the house'. I knew that letting my mind go there would devastate me if something happened and I could not get pregnant.

I am so happy that I stuck to this. I have read on online forums of hopeful mothers who have set up nurseries (diapers and all) before pregnancy, and I can't imagine having a furnished baby room in the house on the darkest days of infertility.

The only things I had that were baby related were some clothes that people have given me for when it was my turn to get pregnant.

When I received them, I was thankful for them. I went through and laundered the items that I thought needed laundering, tossed out the items that were too ratty to use, and sorted by gender and size. I may have had a box of Kleenex with me when I did this. It was during that first year of fertility treatments, when my body's failure was raw and emotional.

The stuffed animals that were in the bins were held and cuddled. I whispered to them that they would soon feel clutching baby fingers again.

Fast forward to now. The bins are gone from my attic. For every wonderful birth of children in my life, they have been gone through and offered. The rest have been donated, so that other toes can once again wriggle in tiny socks.

Empty baby clothes bins, empty room that would have been a nursery, empty womb.

Today, I am looking at baby gates for the house. The hunt is on for a good gate that is wide enough to span the width of a large doorway. Baby gates have been marked off as 'will comply' on the home study inspection checklist, and will need to be installed before a child is placed with us. I am researching all the items that will be needed to be rushed out and bought when we get word that we have been chosen to become parents.

I am scared. Dare I let myself go down that path that motherhood is around the corner? Can I start doing what any parent does when they are expecting their little one? What if it will be another four years of waiting, or five, or six, or never?

As always, things are not in my control. I am at the whim of an unknown chain of events that may result in the most precious of gifts.

Now more than ever, I am ready to take the leap of faith that it will be WHEN and not IF. I am brushing all my fears aside and preparing to have my child come home.Scary. Exhilarating.

Little one, if you're out there already, we are getting ready for you.

Home study - personal interviews

The next two meetings with our social worker were the individual interviews. We decided that I would go first, and J sat in on it as well. Later, we switched and it was J's turn to be in the hot seat.

From the piles of paperwork that we filled out, our social worker discussed anything that she felt needed more clarification. She also asked more questions about my childhood, my relationships with family and in-laws, and my marriage.

It's always interesting to look back on events in childhood, and to talk about events that shape who you are. I said that the most important moment in my life was when I was chosen to represent my school at a youth leadership weekend by a guidance counselor in grade 10.

I'm not sure how he chose me. I'd love to be able to sift through old school records to read comments about what teachers had to say about me. In the end, I really think that leadership weekend was a defining moment.

After that weekend, I felt like I wasn't just some high school kid from small town Ontario. No - I could make a difference and make our community a better place. Looking back, I am proud at the things that I have accomplished. It was just the little push I needed to become more involved in my community. In a country where we are so blessed to have comforts in life, there are still so many that struggle and go without. 

I would love to instill all of this in my child. They would understand that while they have all the comforts of life, that there are others less fortunate.

I have a friend from work who has an adorable daughter. Any time she receives any money (from birthdays, Christmas, etc) a portion goes into her bank account, another portion she is allowed to keep to spend, and the final portion goes to a charity of her choice.

When the tsunami hit in 2004, I was collecting money for the Red Cross and she came in to give me $20 from her charity fund. She was so happy knowing her money was going to help people who really needed it. I definitely would like to do this with my children because I think it's a good lesson in saving and philanthropy!

Home study: first interview

The last few weeks have been all about paperwork.

Throughout this home study process, there are lots of forms to fill out. There are about 10 assignments from the Pride training book, to tons of forms making you analyze your childhood, your relationships with your spouse, family and friends, to how you currently live your life. It's a very interesting self-reflective process to go through this.

The first interview was some general questions about what kind of adoption we wanted to pursue, the age range of the child we wanted to adopt, and things like how we felt about open adoption, children with special needs, history of drug use or mental health issues with the birth parents. I won't go into details about what we said - I think that is better left as a private choice between my husband and I.