PRIDE lessons: Adopted children and their loss

From the Adopt Ontario website:

PRIDE (Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) is a nine-session course for a total of 27 hours of training that could be offered in a variety of ways, from once a week to sessions on weekends...All PRIDE trainers have received comprehensive training and have been approved by the Ontario Association of Children’s Aid Societies which holds the Ontario license for PRIDE. Each session is led by co-leaders, one an adoption professional and the other an experienced adoptive or foster parent.

This is a mandatory for all in Ontario who wish to adopt (as of December 31, 2007).

We did our PRIDE training in August and cannot say enough about it. Initially, I thought it was yet another cash grab. What did we really need to know about adopting? What training could they possibly give us that I couldn't learn myself?

What an eye-opener. There are so many intricacies and challenges with adopted children. Probably the main thing that we took out of this training is how important open adoption is. I'll get into that later because it really does need its own post or two.

Another thing that was discussed is how much loss the child will have. We really went into this thinking, wow, isn't the child we get going to be SO thankful that we are giving him/her a loving home? Apparently I watched too many TV after school specials as a kid.

Just think of how SCARY it must be to suddenly have everything you have known taken away from you. And it doesn't matter how old you are. Everything that a child knows in its life is gone. Maybe there is one particular worker in the orphanage who sings him to sleep. Maybe there is some radiator that makes a sound that is familiar. A particular blanket that is clutched. Gone. Everything that you knew.

If a child has been placed in foster homes, it's yet another loss in their lives. They may be too young to understand why yet another move is happening. A child who was looking forward to future events such as a friend's birthday party. or who enjoy participating on a sports team could suddenly be moved away and thrust into the unknown. It's great that you've finally bonded with your foster family. Here are your new parents!

If everything that you knew and loved were taken away from you, how would that make you feel?

We will take every day in baby steps, one day at a time. I am really hoping that trust and attachment happens easily (the good kind of attachment, not the bad) but we are willing to do whatever it takes to form these important bonds with our child.

Ready when you are...

Our decision to move from fertility treatments to adoption was an easy one.

I am an eternal optimist. Low egg reserve? Whatever. You only need one embryo to implant. Blocked tubes? That's OK, we can afford IVF. 

Infertility beat me up until I was black and blue but I just kept getting up for the next round.

After three rounds of IVF with no frozen embryos each time, with the last resulting in a slow-growing, underachieving embryo (who we rooted on like there was no tomorrow), it was time to hang up our boxing gloves. We were not going to be conceiving. My bits were tired of being poked and prodded, and it was time to move on.

We were, and are ready to move on. There's honestly nothing much else I could have done to get pregnant.

Except for donor egg. I thought about it for 10 seconds and decided that wasn't right for me.

I know people who have undergone fertility treatments where there were donor egg/sperm used and they have beautiful children. I'm happy for them that they were able to use these to conceive.

Personally, I feel there are so many children out there deserving of a forever home that I could not seek out a donor egg for the sole purpose of giving my husband a biological child.

I am sad that I will never experience pregnancy. I will always experience that tinge of jealousy when I see a woman, carrying the most miraculous gift of all.

But I know that one day, hopefully soon, I'll be gifted with a miracle of my own. It doesn't matter that I wasn't the tummy mommy.

We are so ready.

The end of one journey and the beginning of another...

My journey to become pregnant has ended after years of infertility treatments. I had a blog about my infertility.

I was a crappy blogger.

I am hoping it was the subject content, because I'd love to have a record of what was going on in momma's mind during the ups and downs of our adoption journey.

We were sailing in choppy waters for awhile, but I've adjusted my sails and there are sunny skies ahead with our little one :)