Our decision to move from fertility treatments to adoption was an easy one.
I am an eternal optimist. Low egg reserve? Whatever. You only need one embryo to implant. Blocked tubes? That's OK, we can afford IVF.
Infertility beat me up until I was black and blue but I just kept getting up for the next round.
After three rounds of IVF with no frozen embryos each time, with the last resulting in a slow-growing, underachieving embryo (who we rooted on like there was no tomorrow), it was time to hang up our boxing gloves. We were not going to be conceiving. My bits were tired of being poked and prodded, and it was time to move on.
We were, and are ready to move on. There's honestly nothing much else I could have done to get pregnant.
Except for donor egg. I thought about it for 10 seconds and decided that wasn't right for me.
I know people who have undergone fertility treatments where there were donor egg/sperm used and they have beautiful children. I'm happy for them that they were able to use these to conceive.
Personally, I feel there are so many children out there deserving of a forever home that I could not seek out a donor egg for the sole purpose of giving my husband a biological child.
I am sad that I will never experience pregnancy. I will always experience that tinge of jealousy when I see a woman, carrying the most miraculous gift of all.
But I know that one day, hopefully soon, I'll be gifted with a miracle of my own. It doesn't matter that I wasn't the tummy mommy.
We are so ready.
